hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
