i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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