im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
