we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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