...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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