Will you blow on my dice?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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