My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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