hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
