You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
