She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
