the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
