please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
