i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i think i have two assholes
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
