Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
