I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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