are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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