You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
