They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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