Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
they're like a gay fantastic four
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
