The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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