you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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