i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize