nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
