R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
