I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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