Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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