thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
