im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
