never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
There are leaves in my underwear?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
