So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
