i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
