Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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