after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize