Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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