dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
