sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
