there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
