ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
