margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't deserve a penis
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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