I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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