Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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