You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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