When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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