It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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