he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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