Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He shit in the fireplace
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
