I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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