Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
