barbara walters just said penis...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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