I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
