She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
