My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
