did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
