A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
