wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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