My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
