OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i can't believe i had my finger in that
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize