o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
