So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
