Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
