I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I forgot wine drunk hurts
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
