I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
