shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
