used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
