can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
