you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
