So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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