When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
