good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You need a sexual gate keeper
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
