Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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