pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
