I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
