NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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