This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
