I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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