i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
