I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
