This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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