I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i will never coherently bang her
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
