So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
