and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize