D3 body, D1 cock
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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