And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
