Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Who died my cat blue again?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
