i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
