apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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