4 words: hood of his car
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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