So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I came so hard my ears popped.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
