I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
