I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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