Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize