She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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