I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
