Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
