Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
