Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
