Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
