Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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