what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
sarcasm needs its own font
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
