Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
