I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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