During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I came so hard my ears popped.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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