well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just had sex on a roof
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
