She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize