i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
