I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
