Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize