I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
