So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
